The Owl

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There was an owl that lived in a faraway forest. The owl would sit upon a tree branch and look at all the animals.
Owl would giggle at the long neck of the giraffe or the spots of a leopard.
Because the animals of the kingdom were sad about the things the owl said, king tiger went to the owl.
King tiger told the owl, ” you must be nice to the other animals” the owl turned away.
Since that day, the owl only looks with its big eyes and no longer is mean

Great expectations

IMG_3527Broken to pieces Shattered in the ground
My expectations of reality Falling short and behind
On a fairytale life I have led my false hopes up
Never stops this brain
Too stupid to internalize that what’s outside isn’t what’s inside
So yearning of superficiality of the engagement ring the wedding the abs that I am missing my life
Some would argue that healers have the best job But people forget that healers are people too with feeling and emotions Healers make mistakes.
Caught in a world I can’t be myself
Trying to fit into a world that isn’t me
So in my head that I can’t see out
So engrossed in my thoughts I can’t get out
Sleep is near and dear and it’s womb provides reprieve I shall wake up tomorrow and fight these battles another day

Failure

IMG_4356Failure is real Sometimes we fail
Sometimes we don’t get the outcome we want
Good people lose Bad people thrive
Perhaps some of us didn’t work hard enough
Took things for granted But there will always be tomorrow
The human nature is resilient
So come what may I will move forward
If a woman who has fought all her life to be president lost today and she spoke with such poise and elegance
There is nothing women today cannot endure
We may not have yet broke the glass ceiling but it doesn’t mean we won’t keep trying
My soul my heart my very being is sad today
But I also know tomorrow will be better
Women are mothers sisters daughters
They are also doctors engineers politicians
In a world of no it’s empowering to be a woman because I get to prove everyday that I am stronger smarter better I work harder and keep on fighting
The benefit of being on bottom is you appreciate the fight the humility needed to win and you keep moving forward

Neither here nor there

IMG_3955Neither here or there
Fear everywhere
2 steps back 1 step forward
Going toward the illusion of something
Fainting slowly in defeat
Weary now
A brain that is exhausted
But unwavering in spirit
My heart toils
Like a lover who can’t stop loving
The abuser that won’t stop hitting
Through the pain of denial
I rise to see the morning sun
Because tomorrow is a new day
And the lover must be willing to wait
For the right time will come
And I shall be whole again

One moment in time

IMG_3899The hours pass me by
One moment in time
Sometimes I think I’m fine
And that my insecurities will heal in time
The mental wounds of self harm
Of intrusive and selfdestructive thoughts
Camoflouged in smiles and laughter
My heart weeps for a better future
Nothing is wrong really
Just a deep aching in my heart to be better
Smarter
A aching for the meaning of life
For answers
All of the secrets which lie in me
Blinded by my own insecurities
But perseverance has never failed me
Like the superhuman cloak I wear it
Because we all fight our battles everyday
Mine occur in the midst of my mind
In a world I cannot understand
Trying so hard to be understood
wanting so badly to make a difference
That perhaps I forgot to heal my first patient
My faint heart who has been longing for my treatment

Healer needs healing

IMG_4121.JPGSometimes the healer needs healing
Broken shattered and torn
The world demand healers to be superhuman
As if we should not have any human tendencies at all
Disappointment after disappointment we face
Yet we wear a smile and humanity that nothing can shake
But when everyone is sleeping
We stay awake
Mend our wounds while we read our books
Because the knowledge never stops and learning is relentless
But the healer must heal herself before healing the world before her

Square peg in a round hole

IMG_4347.JPGSometimes in medicine, I have always get like a square peg in a round hole. Like something doesn’t quite fit but I make it work. For some, I feel like the medical stuff just comes naturally but for me it’s a craft that I constantly need to work on. My favorite part of it all is the babies. No matter how busy my clinic gets or how crazy nights are, seeing a baby here and there really brightens my day. The other thing I do love about my job is the powerful relationships I get to witness. There are few people in the world that are able to see this type of vulnerability in people. The joy of family medicine is the breadth of what one gets to see. My day can start from delivering a baby to doing a joint injection in the morning and then going to nursing home in the afternoon. It is a field that I find extremely challenging but also rewarding. However I have a confession. Sometimes I wonder if I should have done internal medicine. Internal medicine would have allowed me to specialize in intensive care/ cardiology/other fields. Perhaps this statement is partially money driven because the specialists do get paid more. Then I realize that would mean I would have not gotten a chance to deliver any babies.